Lost & Found

Roxey J. wife of J.H. Shaffer
1835-1875

So Roxy has been found. At least, someone has photographed her gravestone for me. (Go to www.findagrave.com – the volunteer photographers are a godsend.) It's a bigger monument than I expected. That's good – they cared about her – at least enough to purchase a sizable stone. But it still doesn't explain why she's alone. The other cemetery, closer to town, has at least ½ dozen family members including her husband, his second wife and numerous children.

I've been thinking a lot about cemeteries and gravestones. Since Mom died in December, my brother and I have been dealing with her estate, as well as ensuring that her internment was according to her wishes. She was laid to rest (unattended) in a cemetery in Lebanon Oregon, ironically, not next to her husband, but with her mother-in-law in between them. (She knew this would be the case.) We've tried asking the cemetery what Dad's gravestone looks like, so we can match up mom's but to no avail. Turns out, she never ordered one for him. It's sad, but I'm not surprised. She faced his passing four years ago with very little outward emotion. (They'd been married 50 years.) She removed most of his personal effects from their apartment promtly and went on about her life - watching the stock market rise and fall and calling me every couple of weeks for our usual stilted and obligatory attemtps at conversation. Dad was never discussed again.

Fish Lake

I had always thought that I wanted to be cremated and my ashes taken to my favorite place in the world. My family knows where it is, I've spoken of it often enough, but it would be a burdensome trip for someone. 

 There is a new trend in “eco-internments,” not only do they skip the emblaming and use a plain pine casket, but you can also forget about the stone vault, the shroud is biodegradable and you are planted in a part of the cemetery where there are no headstones, just an occasional bench in a lovely meadow for contemplative musings. (http://www.ecoburials.ca/) My grandparents and great-grandparents are buried at this particular cemetery, but in the traditional historic part. Reading the fine print, they don't even recommend cremation due to the significant amount of fuel needed for burning a body thoroughly. Hmmmm . . . .

Cobourg Union Cemetery, Cobourg, Ontario, Canada

Back to Roxy, according the cemetery record and her headstone, she was just 5 days shy of her 40^th birthday, leaving behind at least 5 children including my grandfather, Edgar, who was not even two years old at the time. Ironically, Edgar died when his own son, another Edgar (my father) was just three years old. Life can be very fragile.